MY ANABANANA

Feb 27th 2011 my Anabanana turned 5, really where does the time fly? When I look at her with those long locked curls, full eyelashes, and bright eyes it still seems like yesterday when they laid all 6lbs 6ozs on my chest:). My little Anica, the one with colic; I remember the doctor saying it should be gone by at least 2 years old. Seriously; crying from 5pm until 7am daily can not last 2 years or I may have had to consider their return policy:) But here we are five years later and I realize every second of every day just how blessed I am to be her mommy. I'm still reminded she was my grace, she was my destiny. One day maybe I'll get the chance to tell her just how she saved me from "me".

Having Anica couldn't have come at what seemed the worst time in my life. I had a two year old to raise, I was recently separated, and I'd lost nearly every friend I thought I had, but I had no clue all she was about to change. It was a typical evening one night when I got home from my second job. Anica was in her car seat screaming at the top of her lungs, Aiden was tugging at my pants leg "mommy, mommy", I was trying to wash the dishes in the sink, and cook some dinner when I just lost it. I screamed, sat down in the floor, and just cried. "I just can't do this" I said. I heard a small voice that still creates a lump in my throat when I think of it now that said, "You don't even know how strong you are". I believe God created this whole intriguing and full of lessons plan for my life. I believe it's what made me want to be free. I believe it's what gave me the courage to go on. I stood up placed Aiden on the sink, rocked Anica's car seat with my foot, and cooked dinner while I talked to my little boy. From that minute on I let God take hold of my single mom journey and yes it's been hard at times, but every minutes been worth it just to be called "mommy".

Anica - grace; favor

Grace - unmerited favor; when we are given something we don't deserve

Destiny - the inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person is destined; one's lot

My grace (Anica); something I was given by God that I certainly could never be deserving of. My destiny (Destiny); most certainly my lot in life. It's what I was made for; to be a mommy. I love my little Anabanana. Through her God has shown me so many things; hope, love, joy, courage, strength, happiness, determination and many things that I'm not quite sure I would have found without becoming a single mommy.

My little girl, she's funny and full of life. She has this cackle that will make you laugh out loud. She's somehow got what sounds like a jersey accent. She a smarty pants and thinks she knows everything at the age of 5. She's a princess in the making; literally. She loves makeup. She's full of energy and she loves her some mommy. She cuddles up with me on the couch and kisses my cheek a million times and tells me she loves me constantly. She's my saving grace. I don't know how I got so blessed, but somehow God trusted me with being her mommy and oh what joy it's brought to my life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY ANABANANA

02-27-06

TAKE OVER JESUS

I'm not where I want to be in my walk with God, but when I think about where I've been he reminds me that I'm a work in progress. I've fallen before and there's no doubt I'll fall short again in some way. I don't always say the right things, think the best thoughts, or follow through with the smartest of actions. I mess up, I stumble, I make mistakes, and plainly put; I fall flat on my face. I know that every moment of this life he's given me I'm in need of his grace and mercy. "It's me again Lord", I cry when I fall on my knees and each time I hear him whisper, "I've been waiting". I'll never be perfect, never be able to repay all he's done for me, and never be without fault, but he still thinks I'm to die for. (quote on Jessica Deane's facebook)

I'm striving everyday to let my little light shine and sometimes I fail miserably, but no one is perfect and we need to show others the same mercy we expect in return. There's a world in search of someone to love them the way Jesus loves each of us.

Today holding nothing back I want Jesus to Take Over. We believe we can fix "us", that we can fix others, but I realize more the only one who can create the "me" I should be is Jesus. I give up; I surrender all to Jesus. I want to show others all he's done for me - where he's brought me from - where I'd be today if he hadn't rescued me - about his healing powers - how he comforts the lonely - how he's a friend like no other - how his voice speaks to hearts - how much joy he brings - how he's a safe haven - how he died for a sinner like me. I want to serve him and love him with my whole heart. Take Over Jesus



Luke 6:36 Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful. 37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven. 38 Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.