MY ANABANANA

Feb 27th 2011 my Anabanana turned 5, really where does the time fly? When I look at her with those long locked curls, full eyelashes, and bright eyes it still seems like yesterday when they laid all 6lbs 6ozs on my chest:). My little Anica, the one with colic; I remember the doctor saying it should be gone by at least 2 years old. Seriously; crying from 5pm until 7am daily can not last 2 years or I may have had to consider their return policy:) But here we are five years later and I realize every second of every day just how blessed I am to be her mommy. I'm still reminded she was my grace, she was my destiny. One day maybe I'll get the chance to tell her just how she saved me from "me".

Having Anica couldn't have come at what seemed the worst time in my life. I had a two year old to raise, I was recently separated, and I'd lost nearly every friend I thought I had, but I had no clue all she was about to change. It was a typical evening one night when I got home from my second job. Anica was in her car seat screaming at the top of her lungs, Aiden was tugging at my pants leg "mommy, mommy", I was trying to wash the dishes in the sink, and cook some dinner when I just lost it. I screamed, sat down in the floor, and just cried. "I just can't do this" I said. I heard a small voice that still creates a lump in my throat when I think of it now that said, "You don't even know how strong you are". I believe God created this whole intriguing and full of lessons plan for my life. I believe it's what made me want to be free. I believe it's what gave me the courage to go on. I stood up placed Aiden on the sink, rocked Anica's car seat with my foot, and cooked dinner while I talked to my little boy. From that minute on I let God take hold of my single mom journey and yes it's been hard at times, but every minutes been worth it just to be called "mommy".

Anica - grace; favor

Grace - unmerited favor; when we are given something we don't deserve

Destiny - the inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person is destined; one's lot

My grace (Anica); something I was given by God that I certainly could never be deserving of. My destiny (Destiny); most certainly my lot in life. It's what I was made for; to be a mommy. I love my little Anabanana. Through her God has shown me so many things; hope, love, joy, courage, strength, happiness, determination and many things that I'm not quite sure I would have found without becoming a single mommy.

My little girl, she's funny and full of life. She has this cackle that will make you laugh out loud. She's somehow got what sounds like a jersey accent. She a smarty pants and thinks she knows everything at the age of 5. She's a princess in the making; literally. She loves makeup. She's full of energy and she loves her some mommy. She cuddles up with me on the couch and kisses my cheek a million times and tells me she loves me constantly. She's my saving grace. I don't know how I got so blessed, but somehow God trusted me with being her mommy and oh what joy it's brought to my life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY ANABANANA

02-27-06

TAKE OVER JESUS

I'm not where I want to be in my walk with God, but when I think about where I've been he reminds me that I'm a work in progress. I've fallen before and there's no doubt I'll fall short again in some way. I don't always say the right things, think the best thoughts, or follow through with the smartest of actions. I mess up, I stumble, I make mistakes, and plainly put; I fall flat on my face. I know that every moment of this life he's given me I'm in need of his grace and mercy. "It's me again Lord", I cry when I fall on my knees and each time I hear him whisper, "I've been waiting". I'll never be perfect, never be able to repay all he's done for me, and never be without fault, but he still thinks I'm to die for. (quote on Jessica Deane's facebook)

I'm striving everyday to let my little light shine and sometimes I fail miserably, but no one is perfect and we need to show others the same mercy we expect in return. There's a world in search of someone to love them the way Jesus loves each of us.

Today holding nothing back I want Jesus to Take Over. We believe we can fix "us", that we can fix others, but I realize more the only one who can create the "me" I should be is Jesus. I give up; I surrender all to Jesus. I want to show others all he's done for me - where he's brought me from - where I'd be today if he hadn't rescued me - about his healing powers - how he comforts the lonely - how he's a friend like no other - how his voice speaks to hearts - how much joy he brings - how he's a safe haven - how he died for a sinner like me. I want to serve him and love him with my whole heart. Take Over Jesus



Luke 6:36 Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful. 37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven. 38 Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.

I STILL BELIEVE 2011

As each New Year approaches I try to think about all the mistakes I made. The things I am proud of. The choices or decisions I made that just weren't my best. I ask God please make me a better Christian this coming year. Change me like never before. Have your way in my life. Make me what I should be according to your word. I know I'm not perfect; but he's still working on me.

A little over a year ago I was on my way home from the funeral of a friend, a mother of two children lost to cancer. I pulled over in a parking lot to cry. I sat there feeling guilty that I ever complained about my life when I could go home and kiss my children goodnight. For years there just seemed to be things in my life I was missing and feeling sorry for myself I thought I may never have them. I remember praying really hard for one thing in the 12 years of a miserable life - happiness. As I was sitting in the parking lot I looked up and two planes had crossed each other's path. Just as the smoke formed a cross the evening sunset shone through and this song began to play in my car "I STILL BELIEVE".



I have remembered that moment many times since then. This year on Christmas I remembered that moment again when my best friend gave me a willow tree named HAPPINESS.

So in 2011 I'm just going to believe. First and most importantly I still believe in GOD. I still believe in grace. I still believe in mercy. I still believe the sinner can be set free. I still believe in forgiveness. I still believe in healing. I still believe in miracles. I still believe in love. I still believe in hope. I still believe people make mistakes and that's all they are; mistakes. I still believe in second chances. I still believe there are good genuine people in this world. I still believe in friendship. I still believe in never giving up. I still believe in the magic of being a child. I still believe in lots and lots of laughter. I still believe in dancing like no one is watching and singing like no one can hear me. I still believe that some things are worth fighting for. I still believe God can change circumstances. I still believe some risks are worth taking. I still believe he is always on time. I still believe in his faithfulness. There's so much I believe in and 2010 reminded me that I DO STILL BELIEVE IN HAPPINESS.


Bring on 2011 and let's all just believe that this will be our best year yet. May God's BLESSINGS fall down in each of your lives like rain and may you have more HAPPINESS than your hearts can hold. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

The Only Thing I Wanna Be

I've thought about this post for months now and I wrote this poem/song a few weeks ago.

I've been travelin on this road,
carryin this heavy load, just tryin to find my way home.
And I've fallen on my face;
I'm so thankful for his mercy and his grace.
We all;
stumble and fall.

And I've lost my way a time or two;
but he loves me through and through.
No matter what I do; he'll never leave my side, he'll never give up on me
that's why being God's child is the only thing I wanna be.

I know I'm not all he'd have me be,
oh but he's changing me from glory to glory.
And the one I live for;
set me free from the man I was before.
He'll never let me down;
time and time again that's what I've found.

And I've lost my way a time or two;
but he loves me through and through.
No matter what I do; he'll never leave my side, he'll never give up on me
that's why being God's child is the only thing I wanna be.
Oh he loves me. Yes Jesus loves me.

It's no news flash that I'm not perfect. In the last few months I've learned a lot about judging one another and loving others through and through. JOHN 13:34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. Please don't misunderstand this post or take offense, but I've found that as humans we pick and choose what we "think" are sins. Or we decide that since your sin is "BIGGER" than mine I should treat you differently or better yet just shun you. I'm so glad that when God went to Calvary he didn't say forgive everyone for their sins except Candy. He loved me while I was yet in my sin. ROMANS 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. I'm not saying "go wallow in the mud too"; if God's word says something is a sin; then it's a sin. What I am saying is we forget that we ALL sin, that we ALL make mistakes, that we ALL fall short. We forget where we've been, who we've been, what we've done, and what we'd be today if it wasn't for his great mercy and his wonderful grace. I've made mistakes, decisions that weren't the smartest, choices that weren't the best, that I care not to mention much less remember, but still I've made them. That doesn't mean God doesn't love me. As God's children we are to be a light in these last days, we are to lift up not tear down, we are to encourage not discourage. I want everyone to know that no matter where you've been or what you've done, and even if I may not agree with it all, even if it may have grieved God's heart, he loves you and so do I. And shame on me if I haven't been an example that God changes lives and hearts. If I'm a mess, if I'm broken, if I'm wrong, if I'm lost; God is STILL in control. He's still working on me and I may have a long way to go, but I'm sure not who I use to be. We are sisters and brothers in Christ; could you love me and pray for me while God's fixing me; I know it may take some time because he has a lot of work to do, but he's patient so could you be too?

Your Moment

My son Aiden is the most amazing little boy I know. He has a heart that knows no boundaries and his love for God has always blessed me in extraordinary ways. He would do things like lay his hands on me and pray with such faith. He would sing "The Old Rugged Cross" as if he was born to sing it. He would say things like "God is sitting right there beside you mom" and it made everything alright. He's smart, curious, funny, playful, entertaining, and he's one of my greatest blessings. How did I get to be his mommy? I go back often to becoming a mom for the first time and thinking of all the responsibility that lay ahead of us as parents. I never knew on the other hand that I would be doing this all alone, but I also never realized that God knew the exact plan for my life and that's why he gave me Aiden. I reminisce on sneaking into his room late at night and looking over in the crib and just thinking, "I can't believe he is mine, he's perfect". As another year swiftly passes it is bitter sweet; I love watching him grow and change. I love wondering what kind of man he'll be one day. I love his tender spirit and his kind heart. But I remember like yesterday baby Aiden; can I go back for just a minute please; I want to go back to midnight cries; where I rock him in my arms. To 6am bottle feedings where it’s just me and him and I tell him all he's going to be one day. To swinging him around in a circle and hearing his contagious laughter. To those moments when he was very small and he looked at me like I was his biggest hero. To playing peek-a-boo with the cutest little boy in the world. To watching him sleep and feeling his chest a hundred times to make sure he was breathing. I just want to relive that moment that they laid a tiny 6 lb 9 oz baby boy who at that moment became all I knew of true unconditional love on my chest. Because nothing compares to being mommy to Aiden and Anica.

One of the realities of being a single parent is that at some point we ask questions like "Am I doing this right"? In our journey as single parents I believe a great moment comes along when we are recognized by the one's that matter most; our children. I mean let's face it; we do the very best we can as parents. We wake up every morning and pray that we are making the best, moral, and Godly choices for our children that we can. That "incredible" moment came for me a few weeks ago when Aiden had back to school night. It's no secret to most of you if not all, that my children have a very extended family. They have a little brother named Avry, his mother, their dad, their dad's girlfriend; their two children Alijah and Alayna, and they have me. Aiden's class was asked to draw a picture of their family. When the teacher told me, my mind started running wild just wondering who Aiden had included in his picture of his family. As I approached the drawing their was a single girl in the block listed family. I asked Aiden who it was and he smiled that smile that can just melt your heart and said, "You". I said, "Honey you have more family than just me". He turned to me with those big brown eyes and said; "But you're always there mom". I may not always do things just right and sure I make mistakes as a mom, but even at the most difficult times, even when I feel like being a single mom is just too hard I will think back to that moment; I am my children's biggest hero. I teach them that we need Jesus more than anything, I'm there when the nightmares come to soothe them back to sleepytown, I hold them when their hearts are broken, I kiss their boo boos and make tummyaches better, I teach lessons like never giving up when we sing The Itsy Bitsy Spider and above all I'm their biggest fan. But one day I hope they know I'll never teach them all they've taught me and how truly blessed I am that they are mine. And I so I just want you to know that your moment is on it's way!

Aiden 09/29/03 Happy Birthday Aiden I'm so proud of you.

And Remember

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB ON THIS SINGLE PARENT JOURNEY

God Bless You!!

They Can't Take That Away From Me

I was on my way to work listening to a cd that I borrowed from my mom when this song came on. I know we face life’s battles and some or maybe even most of them send us to a place where we wonder how in the world am I going to get through this one. I don’t really know the answer to that because honestly we all face some type of battle – no one is exempt from Satan’s havoc in our lives. As you read this post please know that I related this in my own life. We really need to get back to the real issue at hand; do we have faith and I mean real unfaltering, unfailing faith. No and why not? Just as this song says, it doesn’t matter what this world takes from me; take my health, my money, my home, my car, my friends, my family, take my life, take it all. I’m not saying I want to lose any of those things or that those battles wouldn’t send me to a sad place, a place where I would feel I wouldn’t be rescued, but what I am saying is there is one thing they’ll never take away and that’s my Jesus. They may even take my life, but I’m going to live in glory forever, I’m going to talk to those loved ones who have gone on before me, I’m going to sit with the disciples who walked with Jesus, and I’m going to hug my Jesus and he’s going to say, “Well done my child enter in”. God’s grace and mercy go a long way, you don’t have to face those battles alone and Jesus will certainly walk with you right “through” that storm. A dear friend said this today, “Faith is not stepping out on a limb you know will hold you; it’s stepping out on a limb that you know can’t hold you”. That is so true, whoever told you life was going to be easy, no one, but no matter what you lose in this old life; there’s a better day coming and no one can take that away!!

The world may strip me of my freedom
Bind me with its chains
Health may leave my body
And be replaced with pain
They can come and get my treasures
And cause me poverty
But they can’t take it all away from me

Cuz they’ll never roll away the rock from where I stand
They can’t remove the corner stone and cast it in the sea
For I’m sheltered in the arms of God
And I’m guided by the unseen hand
And they can’t take that away from me

Death may take my dearest love ones as years of time pass by
But my father won’t forsake me
As countless tears I cry
When my final breathe is fleeing and my life runs out of days
Well I’ll lift my voice and testify in praise

Cuz they’ll never roll away the rock from where I stand
They can’t remove the corner stone and cast it in the sea
For I’m sheltered in the arms of God
And I’m guided by the unseen hand
And they can’t take that away from me

Sung by: The Duggers

And Remember

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB ON THIS SINGLE PARENT JOURNEY

God Bless You!!

Thank God For "MY" Kids

Please don’t get tired of song lyrics, it’s just one of those ways God speaks to me. I love my children more than I ever thought I could ever love another person, just as I’m sure you love yours. I love everything about “a child”. I love their innocence, their willingness to love without holding back, their love for others, and most of all I love how they listen to God. They don’t have any, “what if someone is looking or what will people think pre thoughts”. God speaks to their little hearts and they open their mouths to allow God to speak through them. I’ve seen and heard it many times through my own child and so while this song is cute and talks about things like Santa Claus I thank God for “my” kids for all they teach me. I thank God that even though it shouldn’t have worked this way; I believe my children saved my life. They are what keep me going on days when I want to give up. And even though I shouldn’t ever do this, they remind me how much God loves me when I don’t really feel him near. So Lord even though I’ve told you many times before “Thank you so much for the precious gifts you sent just for me”. Thank you for two children who love you and love me through all my failures and thank you for those sweet tender moments when they look at me and I hear the sweetest words, “I love you Mommy”.

If it weren’t for kids have you ever thought
There wouldn’t be no Santa Claus
But look what the stork just bought
Thank God for kids

We’d all live in a quiet house
Without Big Bird or a Mickey Mouse or
Koolaid on the couch
Thank God for kids

Thank God for kids there’s magic for a while
A special kind of sunshine in a smile
And do you ever stop to think or wonder why
The nearest thing to heaven is a child

Daddy how does this thing fly
Another hundred other wheres and whys
I really don’t know but I try
Thank God for kids

Now when I look down in those trusting eyes
that look at me
I realize there is love that I can’t buy
Thank God for kids

Thank God for kids there’s magic for a while
A special kind of sunshine in a smile
And do you ever stop to think or wonder why
The nearest thing to heaven is a child

When you get down on your knees tonight
Thank the lord for his guiding light
Pray things work out right
Thank God for kids

Sung by: The Duggers

And Remember

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB ON THIS SINGLE PARENT JOURNEY

God Bless You!!

My Decade 2010

As we approach 2010 I’ve thought in depth about the fact that this will not only be a new year, but an entirely new decade. The last decade has been the worst in my life. However, when I really thought about specific moments and times in the last decade I also came to realize that it’s also been my best. I began to reminisce on those intense moments in the last decade both good and bad. So I look back for a moment on the decade of 2000. In 2001 I married the man that I had loved half my life. In 2003 I looked in to the eyes of my first born child Aiden Derae and never knew that I could possibly love anyone at that moment the way I loved him. In late 2005 I lost my grandmother; one of the most amazing women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and even more being her granddaughter (Ruth V Dodson) you remain in my heart forever. In December 2005 I admitted that the man I loved had been unfaithful our entire relationship and was separated and later divorced, something I never thought would happen to me. In February 2006 I was given my second miracle from God Anica Destiny and who knew I could love another person just as much as I loved my son. That same year I lost my grandfather Charles Gallihugh I love you more than pigs love slop he use to say (smiling) you are remembered always! In early 2009 my daughter had pneumonia and at one point they said there is nothing else we can do, but I knew I could pray. Becoming a single mother was one of my most devastating challenges. I lost great friends who betrayed me and I felt very alone for a very long time. I felt as if no one understood and I still think most people don’t unless they walk where I have walked. In losing friends I also gained friends ones who were true, who encouraged me, who cried with me and laughed with me and helped me to heal. In November of 2007 I rededicated my life to God and I’ve had hardships since then, but he’s taught me so much about me and others who I have the pleasure of them sharing their lives with me. He forced me to find out who I really was. And in looking back it’s been my greatest decision in this decade!!

God gave me direction when I was lost, he gave me encouragement when I was down, he gave me confidence when I wanted to give up, he showed me how to forgive when I thought that wasn’t an option. He gave me protection when I was in danger. He gave me strength when I was downright tired of fighting this life. He gave me vision when I couldn’t really see. He gave me peace in the midst of a lot of anger. He’s given me more than I could ever list in some post on this blog. Most importantly he gave me something that no one else could; he gave me life when I was dead. He truly made me a brand new person and I never want to go back to that old life. He gave his life so that I could be free and I am forever grateful.

So all that being said; this is “My decade 2010”. Every New Year brings great possibilities; chances for dreams to come true, for old friendships to be rekindled and new ones to take form, for parents to teach their children how to make the most of everyday. It’s time to forgive others, to let go of anger we’ve stored in our hearts. It’s a time to remember the legacy those who have gone before us have left behind. It’s a new year to find love, to love and be loved for all we hold inside. It’s finally that moment where you can be everything you were always meant to be. It’s a great chance to heal the wounds that time has pressed on us. Most of all it’s a time to surrender all to Jesus, to love him more than you ever have before, to let him take complete control of your life. It’s time to let him lead, guide, and direct us on the path laid before us and so much more. You will never regret living for Jesus. It’s a brand new year, a brand new decade, and a brand new start.

My wish for you in 2010 is that you all reach your full potential and that God truly blesses you beyond measure the way I know he truly can and does. May God go with you and yours into a new decade and may it be our best yet and thank you for all those angels I call friends that you sent me Lord, without them I’m not sure I’d be where I am today. I love each of you!

I Will Follow You

Don't know where to begin
Its like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?

Sometimes its so hard to pray
When you feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust you

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If you want them to
I will follow you

I will swim in the deep
Cuz you'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You'll never be out of reach

God, you know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding your hand

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If you want them to
I will follow you

God your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto you
God your love is enough

Parts of a song by Mikeschair



This song has played a million times in the last few weeks over and over again in my mind. I sing it through out the day. I've met those times when it feels like your entire world may collapse. My backs been against a wall and I've faltered and even fallen flat on my face. During some of those intense times of trial I wondered, "God do you hear me, are you listening; are you even there?" But each time I was in the eye of the storm he reminded me that he knew where I'd been, that he loved me even then, that he had been faithful to show up each time I needed him and always "on time". We forget sometimes that we have an "enemy" and he wants to pick us apart, it says Satan came to kill, steal, and destroy. He wants us to fail, to surrender, to give up; he wants to pull us to our knees. He wants to drive us so deep that we believe we will drown in that raging sea, but hear me child of a King, he's been faithful before and he WILL be faithful again. God will always be enough, he will always make a way; he will always go before you, he will always see you through this time of trial. And above all I pray whatever God's will for my life be "then let it be". We will be tested and tried, no doubt about that, but it's been said "if God be for us who can be against us". If we'd only get it deep down in our souls, if we'd only remember what God's always been, if we'd only remember where he brought us from, if we'd only give him all of us, and then fully trust and rely on God to handle every aspect of our lives. If we'd really believe that God ALWAYS comes through we will ENDURE.

And Remember

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB ON THIS SINGLE PARENT JOURNEY

God Bless You!!

I NEED YOU MORE

I need You more
More than yesterday
I need You Lord
More than words can say
I need You more
Than ever before
I need You Lord
I need You Lord

More than the air I breathe
More than the song I sing
More than the next heartbeat
More than anything
And Lord as time goes by
I'll be by Your side
Cause I never want to go back To my old life

By Lindell Cooley
(not sure who else sings this, but the website I found the lyrics on had this name)

It seems like such a simple song doesn't it, yet everytime I hear this song or everytime my children are singing it my heart moves. I think of all that's behind me and I'm thankful its back there because I never want to go back to my old life. That life taught me a lot yes, it taught me about pain and heartache and sadness and tears. It taught me about all the mistakes I never want to make again. It taught me all about the person I never want to be again. It taught me about all the words I never want to say again and all the thoughts I never want to think again. It taught me all about who I am nothing like today. I'm not perfect and I do make mistakes still, but I've got a new life that replaced a very sad life. I still cry sometimes and there are still heartaches, but nothing compares to the love of Jesus. Nothing compares to knowing how much I needed him today and how much more I need him tomorrow. Nothing compares to knowing that I just can't make it without him and nothing compares to knowing that he rescued me from my old life. And since it says in his word that there is no respect of persons then he will rescue you too.

Romans 2:11 - For there is no respect of persons with God

And Remember

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB ON THIS SINGLE PARENT JOURNEY

God Bless You!!

IM FORGIVEN

Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I’m reminded of the wrong
That I have said and done
And that devil just wont let me forget

In this life I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms I know what I am
I’m forgiven I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven

My mistakes are running through my mind
And I’ll relive my days, in the middle of the night
When I wrestle with my pain, struggle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry

When I don’t fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere
When I don’t measure up to much in this life
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ

By Sanctus Real

When I got down on my knees at a little altar to tell God I was sorry for all the wrong I'd done, that I was sorry for the woman I'd become, that I was sorry for all the times I let him down, I know there wasn't a waiting period, I know he forgot and forgave me at that moment. He never threw those mistakes in my face again. But, the devil has a way of making us remember every bad word we've spoken, every wrong decision we've made, every person we let down, every person we hurt, every toe we stepped on along the way, every bad choice, and every single mistake that ever crossed our path. He does remind me in the middle of the night; when I lay awake looking at my children I am reminded of all the pain I could have saved them from if I had followed God's plan for my life and not made the mistakes I did. That and all of those failures I've made in my life come to haunt me often and they tell me I'm not good enough, that I should just give up, that I'm never going to amount to anything and that I'm still not worth it and that may be all true except and I love this part "When I don’t fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere - When I don’t measure up to much in this life - Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ." And I do feel alone and I do cry often when no one hears me, when my children have laid down to rest and its just me alone wondering if I'm doing right by my children. Except now as opposed to then I cry to Jesus and I tell him I'm lost and I need you to lead my way, I'm broken and I need you to fix me, I'm a mess and I need you to clean me up, and I can't do this on my own. And then every so often even though I have a long way to go and I'm not perfect he reminds me of who I am now. I may not be much, but I am the child of a King and I am a single, hardworking, independant mother who loves her children and more than that loves God. And I don't have to be reminded of my past everyday - it's where it needs to be and its where it is what it is MY PAST becasue IM FORGIVEN. For all of you out there who allows Satan to remind you of your past tell him to get behind you - tell him you don't have time for him, tell him he has no power over you now, tell him if he's got a problem take it up with your Father (Jesus).

And remember

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB ON THIS SINGLE PARENT JOURNEY

God Bless You!

THE VALLEY

This will be a short post, but I was on my way to church this morning and a song began to play and I heard the words "even the valleys higher ground, that's why Im up when I oughta be down, that's why I smile when I should be wearin a frown, even the valleys higher ground". I thought on that for a moment and I'm really going through a storm right now which at times blurs your vision. I heard so softly where were you? Me: Where was I? What? When? Again a soft voice: Before!! Me: Oh I said.

Where was I before let me tell you: I was a miserable person. I was a person whom I had grown to hate, a person with no backbone, a person who rarely smiled, a person who cried practically all the time, a person who was very depressed, a person who's marriage was completely falling apart, a person who's friends were having an affair with her husband, a person who didn't run and play with her children. A person who was searching without even realizing it for something, anything that would make me feel something. Searching for some real happiness, searching for a place where I belonged, searching for people who loved me, searching for someone and one day when I couldn't sink any further he found me and now I am a happier and better person because of Jesus. I know I will have battles even when I am a Christian, they don't end the day you become a Christian, but when I look back on the years before I really decided to follow Jesus completely and fully the battles I face now are nothng compared to what I would be without Jesus and where I was. So you see even these valleys are higher ground compared to Where I Was. Thank you God for reminding me where you brought me from, I know I'll face trials, but at least I will have you to carry me when I can't walk alone.

And remember

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB ON THIS SINGLE PARENT JOURNEY

God Bless You

THIS IS WHY

It’s been another all alone,
another do it on my own.

The bills are way past due,
and it all rests on you.

The weight is getting heavy,
and it’s about to break this levy.

If I could only stop time for a break,
it’s just a little more than I can take.

I haven’t slept in days,
and who really cares anyway.

And I worry in the middle of the night,
if I’m doing this thing just right.

And most of the time I just cry,
because I wonder if we’ll get by.

Oh and I have some battles to face,
but I know I’m in the right place.

Because I’ve got a name,
no it’s not full of fame.

But I hear them calling Mommy I Love you,
and that’s why I do what I do.

So to all those single moms out there,
you’re a special kind of rare.

And here’s a big “Way To Go”,
because I’ve been there and I know.

Isaiah 40:29 - He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.

Phillipians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

This is a poem I wrote this evening, it hasn't been the greatest day and there are times when being a single mom makes you feel as though you can't take one more step. I need Jesus to help me through these trying times and I need the prayers of people who love me. To other single moms hold on, I know its hard and I know you feel like you might be crushed beneath the pressure of all you have to bear. Just remember you're never really alone, call on Jesus, he will give you peace. If you ever need a friend who can relate just call I can listen. Much love and blessings to each and everyone of you!!

And remember

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB ON THIS SINGLE PARENT JOURNEY!!

God Bless You!!

YESTERDAY IS GONE

There is no guilt here
There is no shame
No pointing fingers
There is no blame
What happened yesterday…has disappeared
The dirt has washed away
And now it's clear

There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy and believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There's only grace

You're starting over now
Under the sun
You're stepping forward now
A new life has begun
Your new life has begun

And if you should fall again
Get back up, get back up
Reach out and take my hand
Get back up, get back up
Get back up again
Ohh…get…back…up…again…

There's nothing left now
There’s only grace

Part of a song by: Matthew West

A new song that I absolutely love - people always say don't look back or faith doesn't look back it looks up or you can't live in the past. Now all of this is true, but I say take a minute to look back - I do, I look back and I see the pain, the heartache, the tears, the sadness, I see all the things I was and had before Jesus took control of my life. If you've done things you regret or things you're ashamed of then you are human, but once yesterday is gone the memory of your sins are gone too. God loves you and he forgives you and he never remembers them again. You don't have to beat yourself up over and over again for your mistakes. That's just what they are - mistakes that you can't erase, but you can learn from. His grace will always be enough. I remember where God brought me from, I remember who and what I was before he came into my life. I may not know where I am going, but I sure know where I've been and if it hadn't been for God's good grace, I wouldn't have survived many of the battles I've faced in this life. So today take your place, dust it off, say I'm sorry, accept his forgiveness and his love, and take a step. No more guilt from the pain of the past, we are FORGIVEN and GRACE is left. Prayers are with you yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Psalms 103:12 - As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

Isaiah 43:25 - I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions for mine own sake; and will not remember thy sins.

Hebrews 8:12 - For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.

And remember

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB ON THIS SINGLE PARENT JOURNEY!!

God Bless You!!

I WILL WAIT WITH YOU

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait


Part of a song by: John Waller

When I heard this song for the first time I thought of all the prayers I prayed that weren't answered. I thought of all the times I asked God for something that never came or never happened. I thought of the prayers I am still waiting on him to answer and then I just thought. As humans we are impatient and ungrateful and after this post please don't think I mean we will always get everything we want or ask for because we won't. We never think that some of the things we pray for aren't in our best interest. That some of the things we prayed would never happen did because they made us better people, better parents, better friends, better spouses, or better Christians. So in a short post today remember this, God never forsakes us, he never lets us down, he never fails us, and he never lies. If God has promised you something it will come to pass. If you are waiting then do just that. God said pray in expectance and pray fervently which in one place is defined as showing great emotion - so pray with all your heart. Also that the fervent prayer will avail which means to be of advantage - so don't give up. If you want something more than anything in this world and it is aligned with God's word and you have his favor I believe God will deliver. Also remember we don't always get what we want the minute we ask for it, God's time is not our time and I believe sometimes he wants to see if our faith will stand, if we will pray until he answers. He wants to see if we will wait and truly hold on to him while we wait. So while we are waiting I will pray he answers your prayers too, that he sends healing to the sick, comfort to the mourning, peace to the depressed, love to the brokenhearted and so on. Let's wait together.

James 5:16 - The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Galations 6:9 - And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

And remember

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB ON THIS SINGLE PARENT JOURNEY!!

God Bless You!!

I AM A CHRISTIAN

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven.

"When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
And need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow.

Written by: Maya Angelou

I've always loved this poem because it is so true. Many times even as Christians we don't remember where we came from or what we were before the blood of Jesus cleansed us and set us free from the sting of death and the pain of sin. We weren't saved by anything we did, we were saved because God loved us even in our sins. We all did and still do fall short of the glory of God, none of us have arrived or even come close to his perfection. We strive to be more like him, but let's face it we all have those places in our hearts that we wish weren't there or didn't exist. So I just want to remind myself and all of you that I don't claim to be perfect I make my share of mistakes and I wish I didn't, but when I do I call on his name and ask for his forgiveness to cover my thoughts, my actions, and my words everyday. I want to be a loving Christian who shows others a very small glimpse of God's love. We are here to lift up and encourage one another, that's what God's love did for us. He pulled us from a life that had no real meaning and set our feet on stable land. Thank you God for your hand of correction when I need it. In closing I'll pray for you and you pray for me. God knows we all need his forgiveness.

Ephesians 1:7 - In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace

Ephesians 2:8 - For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God 2:9 - Not of works, lest any man should boast.

Ephesians 2:4 - But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us 2:5 - Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, by grace ye are saved

And Remember

YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB ON THIS SINGLE PARENT JOURNEY!!

God Bless You!!

Guidance

A friend from work sent this to me in an email and I just loved it.

When I meditated on the word guidance, I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word. I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing. When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn't flow with the music and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky. When one person relaxes and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing lightly in one direction or another. It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully. The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other. My eyes drew back to the word guidance. When I saw "G," I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i." God, "u" and "I" dance. God, you, and I dance. This statement is what guidance means to me. As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life. Once again, I became willing to let God lead.-- Author Unknown

Lord please allow this old man to die and for you to be in complete and total control of all my decisions and choices and to lead me in this life.

God Bless!!

If I Could

Someone had this quote on the bottom of an email the other day and it really hit home for me. I thought a lot about my life in general; not just the last few years , but of all my life's struggles and battles and tests and trials. I hated those times of storm, but I've said many times before I wouldn't trade them for the world. All of them taught me something when a love one passed on it taught me to appreciate comfort. When a friend hurt me it taught me to forgive. When someone wronged me it taught me to turn the other cheek. Many lessons in my life taught me about strength and courage and fear and determination and failure and mercy and happiness and joy. We could all think of times when we wished something hadn't happened the way it did or something to that effect, but if you think about it a little more I am certain you could think of a lesson that you learned from it that you wouldn't want to trade.

"If I could wish for my life to be perfect, it would be tempting but I would have to decline, for life would no longer teach me anything." - Allyson Jones

Romans 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

When God is in control of our life every trial we go through will work together for our good and we will be better because of them.

God Bless!!

Sisters

This post is for the wonderful women in my life and for one of my very special friends, thank you BFA for always being there for me, a shoulder to lean on, a heart to love, a voice to soothe, a word to encourage, and so much more.

John 15:13
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

As we think about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, let's remember to not forget our sisters. They'll be more important as we get older. No matter how much we love our husbands, no matter how much we love our children, we are still going to need sisters. Go places with them now and then; do things with them. Remember that 'sisters' mean ALL the women...our girlfriends, our daughters, and all the other women relatives too. "We'll need other women. Women always do. We think "I'm a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may have will be all I need to make my life worthwhile! If we keep contact with our sisters and make women friends each year. As the years tumble by, one after another, we will gradually come to understand. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, sisters are the mainstays of our lives. Time passes. Life happens. Distance separates. Children grow up. Jobs come and go. Love waxes and wanes. Some men don't do what they're supposed to do. Hearts break. Parents die. Colleagues forget favors. Careers end. BUT.........Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between us. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters,daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family: all bless our life! The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.

God Bless!!

Single Parent Appreciation Day

I know that this date has passed, but on March 21st next year let a friend or family member know how proud you are of them for being a single parent - way to go to those parents who decided being a parent wasn't a burden, but a blessing.

Single Parent Appreciation Day : March 21st