I remember when I found out that I was going to be a mommy; it was the most wonderful news that had ever touched my ears; shortly after the fear of failure and just the general fear of becoming a parent set in. When they placed that special gift upon my chest that fear rang louder than any emotion I have ever felt. I wanted to do everything right and give him the very best life possible with lots of love and promises of hugs and kisses. At that time I never imagined that a few, what seemed like short years later I would be facing that fear in the eye with a small toddler and an infant to raise; and I would be facing that fear alone.
(Laughs) You might as well just throw in the towel now. Yep, might as well run away as far as your few bucks can get you right? All of my failures as a mommy already echoed daily in my heart. You promised them a home with love and now their father is gone; what kind of home only has one parent? You promised them security and how can they have that when you can't even keep your family together? You can't do anything right. You're too tired all the time for your children. Your daughter has colic and that must be your fault too because of all the stress the nine months you held her in your womb. You weren't a good wife because if you were you would still have a husband. You're about to lose this apartment, you have two jobs and still can't make enough money. You can't give them what they need; you can hardly take care of yourself. Exactly what was I doing being a mommy when I was a big failure? Does any of this sound familiar?
Then one night I was sitting on my couch crying which I did a lot at that time and my 3 year old son wiped a tear from my cheek and said "it will be alright mommy don't cry."
At that moment I realized I was not a failure and I wasn't a bad mommy. I made a promise and I was NOT giving up without a heck of a fight. I want you all to know you are NOT a failure. A failure gives up when the going gets tough, a failure does not take responsibility, and most importantly a failure walks out on great miracles that are bestowed to them.
Every decision we make in regards to our children will shape who they will become when they are older. Every time we forgive when someone doesn't deserve to be forgiven we teach them what strength we hold deep inside. Every time we fall down and we get back up we teach them determination. Every time we look fear in the eye and keep going we teach them courage. Every time we help someone less fortunate than us we teach them compassion. Every time we listen, we pray, we talk, we hug, we love, we laugh, we teach them the kind of people we expect them to become. They are listening to everything you say and they are watching everything you do. They will be better because you are their mommy. They will be better because you didn't give up on this journey that causes you to only see your weaknesses when you have more strength than you will ever know.
It's funny though that even after years have passed the fear of failure sometimes comes to laugh at me and tell me I'm not good enough and I can't do this, it still taunts me and tells me lies that grip my heart with sadness and fear. I don't know if this happens to any of you or not. I believe it even happens to homes with two parents so I am pretty sure as a single parent we are afraid of failure because we want them to have all the best things that life can possibly offer them. Unfortunately we have to do that as ONE parent.
So I leave you with this. . . . .
Galatians 6:9 = And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
You are VICTORIOUS and you can and will endure this journey. One day when your children are grown you will look back on this journey and the seeds that you did sow in their hearts will have brought forth great men and women who will be thankful for ONE big heart that decided it wasn't a failure, it was a MOMMY!!
And remember
YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB ON THIS SINGLE PARENT JOURNEY!!
God Bless!!
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