I STILL BELIEVE 2011

As each New Year approaches I try to think about all the mistakes I made. The things I am proud of. The choices or decisions I made that just weren't my best. I ask God please make me a better Christian this coming year. Change me like never before. Have your way in my life. Make me what I should be according to your word. I know I'm not perfect; but he's still working on me.

A little over a year ago I was on my way home from the funeral of a friend, a mother of two children lost to cancer. I pulled over in a parking lot to cry. I sat there feeling guilty that I ever complained about my life when I could go home and kiss my children goodnight. For years there just seemed to be things in my life I was missing and feeling sorry for myself I thought I may never have them. I remember praying really hard for one thing in the 12 years of a miserable life - happiness. As I was sitting in the parking lot I looked up and two planes had crossed each other's path. Just as the smoke formed a cross the evening sunset shone through and this song began to play in my car "I STILL BELIEVE".



I have remembered that moment many times since then. This year on Christmas I remembered that moment again when my best friend gave me a willow tree named HAPPINESS.

So in 2011 I'm just going to believe. First and most importantly I still believe in GOD. I still believe in grace. I still believe in mercy. I still believe the sinner can be set free. I still believe in forgiveness. I still believe in healing. I still believe in miracles. I still believe in love. I still believe in hope. I still believe people make mistakes and that's all they are; mistakes. I still believe in second chances. I still believe there are good genuine people in this world. I still believe in friendship. I still believe in never giving up. I still believe in the magic of being a child. I still believe in lots and lots of laughter. I still believe in dancing like no one is watching and singing like no one can hear me. I still believe that some things are worth fighting for. I still believe God can change circumstances. I still believe some risks are worth taking. I still believe he is always on time. I still believe in his faithfulness. There's so much I believe in and 2010 reminded me that I DO STILL BELIEVE IN HAPPINESS.


Bring on 2011 and let's all just believe that this will be our best year yet. May God's BLESSINGS fall down in each of your lives like rain and may you have more HAPPINESS than your hearts can hold. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

The Only Thing I Wanna Be

I've thought about this post for months now and I wrote this poem/song a few weeks ago.

I've been travelin on this road,
carryin this heavy load, just tryin to find my way home.
And I've fallen on my face;
I'm so thankful for his mercy and his grace.
We all;
stumble and fall.

And I've lost my way a time or two;
but he loves me through and through.
No matter what I do; he'll never leave my side, he'll never give up on me
that's why being God's child is the only thing I wanna be.

I know I'm not all he'd have me be,
oh but he's changing me from glory to glory.
And the one I live for;
set me free from the man I was before.
He'll never let me down;
time and time again that's what I've found.

And I've lost my way a time or two;
but he loves me through and through.
No matter what I do; he'll never leave my side, he'll never give up on me
that's why being God's child is the only thing I wanna be.
Oh he loves me. Yes Jesus loves me.

It's no news flash that I'm not perfect. In the last few months I've learned a lot about judging one another and loving others through and through. JOHN 13:34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. Please don't misunderstand this post or take offense, but I've found that as humans we pick and choose what we "think" are sins. Or we decide that since your sin is "BIGGER" than mine I should treat you differently or better yet just shun you. I'm so glad that when God went to Calvary he didn't say forgive everyone for their sins except Candy. He loved me while I was yet in my sin. ROMANS 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. I'm not saying "go wallow in the mud too"; if God's word says something is a sin; then it's a sin. What I am saying is we forget that we ALL sin, that we ALL make mistakes, that we ALL fall short. We forget where we've been, who we've been, what we've done, and what we'd be today if it wasn't for his great mercy and his wonderful grace. I've made mistakes, decisions that weren't the smartest, choices that weren't the best, that I care not to mention much less remember, but still I've made them. That doesn't mean God doesn't love me. As God's children we are to be a light in these last days, we are to lift up not tear down, we are to encourage not discourage. I want everyone to know that no matter where you've been or what you've done, and even if I may not agree with it all, even if it may have grieved God's heart, he loves you and so do I. And shame on me if I haven't been an example that God changes lives and hearts. If I'm a mess, if I'm broken, if I'm wrong, if I'm lost; God is STILL in control. He's still working on me and I may have a long way to go, but I'm sure not who I use to be. We are sisters and brothers in Christ; could you love me and pray for me while God's fixing me; I know it may take some time because he has a lot of work to do, but he's patient so could you be too?

Your Moment

My son Aiden is the most amazing little boy I know. He has a heart that knows no boundaries and his love for God has always blessed me in extraordinary ways. He would do things like lay his hands on me and pray with such faith. He would sing "The Old Rugged Cross" as if he was born to sing it. He would say things like "God is sitting right there beside you mom" and it made everything alright. He's smart, curious, funny, playful, entertaining, and he's one of my greatest blessings. How did I get to be his mommy? I go back often to becoming a mom for the first time and thinking of all the responsibility that lay ahead of us as parents. I never knew on the other hand that I would be doing this all alone, but I also never realized that God knew the exact plan for my life and that's why he gave me Aiden. I reminisce on sneaking into his room late at night and looking over in the crib and just thinking, "I can't believe he is mine, he's perfect". As another year swiftly passes it is bitter sweet; I love watching him grow and change. I love wondering what kind of man he'll be one day. I love his tender spirit and his kind heart. But I remember like yesterday baby Aiden; can I go back for just a minute please; I want to go back to midnight cries; where I rock him in my arms. To 6am bottle feedings where it’s just me and him and I tell him all he's going to be one day. To swinging him around in a circle and hearing his contagious laughter. To those moments when he was very small and he looked at me like I was his biggest hero. To playing peek-a-boo with the cutest little boy in the world. To watching him sleep and feeling his chest a hundred times to make sure he was breathing. I just want to relive that moment that they laid a tiny 6 lb 9 oz baby boy who at that moment became all I knew of true unconditional love on my chest. Because nothing compares to being mommy to Aiden and Anica.

One of the realities of being a single parent is that at some point we ask questions like "Am I doing this right"? In our journey as single parents I believe a great moment comes along when we are recognized by the one's that matter most; our children. I mean let's face it; we do the very best we can as parents. We wake up every morning and pray that we are making the best, moral, and Godly choices for our children that we can. That "incredible" moment came for me a few weeks ago when Aiden had back to school night. It's no secret to most of you if not all, that my children have a very extended family. They have a little brother named Avry, his mother, their dad, their dad's girlfriend; their two children Alijah and Alayna, and they have me. Aiden's class was asked to draw a picture of their family. When the teacher told me, my mind started running wild just wondering who Aiden had included in his picture of his family. As I approached the drawing their was a single girl in the block listed family. I asked Aiden who it was and he smiled that smile that can just melt your heart and said, "You". I said, "Honey you have more family than just me". He turned to me with those big brown eyes and said; "But you're always there mom". I may not always do things just right and sure I make mistakes as a mom, but even at the most difficult times, even when I feel like being a single mom is just too hard I will think back to that moment; I am my children's biggest hero. I teach them that we need Jesus more than anything, I'm there when the nightmares come to soothe them back to sleepytown, I hold them when their hearts are broken, I kiss their boo boos and make tummyaches better, I teach lessons like never giving up when we sing The Itsy Bitsy Spider and above all I'm their biggest fan. But one day I hope they know I'll never teach them all they've taught me and how truly blessed I am that they are mine. And I so I just want you to know that your moment is on it's way!

Aiden 09/29/03 Happy Birthday Aiden I'm so proud of you.

And Remember

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB ON THIS SINGLE PARENT JOURNEY

God Bless You!!

They Can't Take That Away From Me

I was on my way to work listening to a cd that I borrowed from my mom when this song came on. I know we face life’s battles and some or maybe even most of them send us to a place where we wonder how in the world am I going to get through this one. I don’t really know the answer to that because honestly we all face some type of battle – no one is exempt from Satan’s havoc in our lives. As you read this post please know that I related this in my own life. We really need to get back to the real issue at hand; do we have faith and I mean real unfaltering, unfailing faith. No and why not? Just as this song says, it doesn’t matter what this world takes from me; take my health, my money, my home, my car, my friends, my family, take my life, take it all. I’m not saying I want to lose any of those things or that those battles wouldn’t send me to a sad place, a place where I would feel I wouldn’t be rescued, but what I am saying is there is one thing they’ll never take away and that’s my Jesus. They may even take my life, but I’m going to live in glory forever, I’m going to talk to those loved ones who have gone on before me, I’m going to sit with the disciples who walked with Jesus, and I’m going to hug my Jesus and he’s going to say, “Well done my child enter in”. God’s grace and mercy go a long way, you don’t have to face those battles alone and Jesus will certainly walk with you right “through” that storm. A dear friend said this today, “Faith is not stepping out on a limb you know will hold you; it’s stepping out on a limb that you know can’t hold you”. That is so true, whoever told you life was going to be easy, no one, but no matter what you lose in this old life; there’s a better day coming and no one can take that away!!

The world may strip me of my freedom
Bind me with its chains
Health may leave my body
And be replaced with pain
They can come and get my treasures
And cause me poverty
But they can’t take it all away from me

Cuz they’ll never roll away the rock from where I stand
They can’t remove the corner stone and cast it in the sea
For I’m sheltered in the arms of God
And I’m guided by the unseen hand
And they can’t take that away from me

Death may take my dearest love ones as years of time pass by
But my father won’t forsake me
As countless tears I cry
When my final breathe is fleeing and my life runs out of days
Well I’ll lift my voice and testify in praise

Cuz they’ll never roll away the rock from where I stand
They can’t remove the corner stone and cast it in the sea
For I’m sheltered in the arms of God
And I’m guided by the unseen hand
And they can’t take that away from me

Sung by: The Duggers

And Remember

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB ON THIS SINGLE PARENT JOURNEY

God Bless You!!

Thank God For "MY" Kids

Please don’t get tired of song lyrics, it’s just one of those ways God speaks to me. I love my children more than I ever thought I could ever love another person, just as I’m sure you love yours. I love everything about “a child”. I love their innocence, their willingness to love without holding back, their love for others, and most of all I love how they listen to God. They don’t have any, “what if someone is looking or what will people think pre thoughts”. God speaks to their little hearts and they open their mouths to allow God to speak through them. I’ve seen and heard it many times through my own child and so while this song is cute and talks about things like Santa Claus I thank God for “my” kids for all they teach me. I thank God that even though it shouldn’t have worked this way; I believe my children saved my life. They are what keep me going on days when I want to give up. And even though I shouldn’t ever do this, they remind me how much God loves me when I don’t really feel him near. So Lord even though I’ve told you many times before “Thank you so much for the precious gifts you sent just for me”. Thank you for two children who love you and love me through all my failures and thank you for those sweet tender moments when they look at me and I hear the sweetest words, “I love you Mommy”.

If it weren’t for kids have you ever thought
There wouldn’t be no Santa Claus
But look what the stork just bought
Thank God for kids

We’d all live in a quiet house
Without Big Bird or a Mickey Mouse or
Koolaid on the couch
Thank God for kids

Thank God for kids there’s magic for a while
A special kind of sunshine in a smile
And do you ever stop to think or wonder why
The nearest thing to heaven is a child

Daddy how does this thing fly
Another hundred other wheres and whys
I really don’t know but I try
Thank God for kids

Now when I look down in those trusting eyes
that look at me
I realize there is love that I can’t buy
Thank God for kids

Thank God for kids there’s magic for a while
A special kind of sunshine in a smile
And do you ever stop to think or wonder why
The nearest thing to heaven is a child

When you get down on your knees tonight
Thank the lord for his guiding light
Pray things work out right
Thank God for kids

Sung by: The Duggers

And Remember

YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB ON THIS SINGLE PARENT JOURNEY

God Bless You!!